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Three Witnesses, pt. 1October 14, 2007 Laity Sunday, pt. 1 of 2 Three Christ Church members share their faith on Laity Sunday, a worship experience led entirely by lay persons representative of the diverse Christ Church family.
Good morning everyone. I am so happy to be able to share the story of my faith with you today. I’d like to begin by telling you something of where I came from so that you can better understand the dramatic transformation that has taken place in my life. I’m Jewish. Growing up, we never went to synagogue or participated in any religious activities. The culture of Judaism thrived within our family, however there was a great intellectual disdain for anyone who believed in God or engaged in religion. My parents are committed atheists and to them belief in God spells weakness. This atheism was coupled with deep fear and alienation from, well, from people just like you. It was never spelled out in so many words, but as children we were brought up to believe that the people who go to church were the very people whose ancestors had persecuted and killed our ancestors, and that if given the slightest opportunity now they might do the very same things to us all over again. Going to synagogue – let alone Church – went against the grain of what is worshipped in my family. Academic achievement, intellectual rigor, and a big fat bank account – these are the things that we held as sacred. And so, I grew up with this as my foundation. From early childhood however, I can recall sensing that there must be something more, something greater, some powerful, creative force “way out there”... I just never knew how to even begin to uncover what that ‘something’ might be. Enough said about my past. Let’s fast forward from my childhood some thirty-five years. At this point, I had achieved academic success, have financial comfort and a beautiful daughter. As far as my family is concerned, everything a person can hope for. Yet within me that sense of something more ‘out there,’ something I needed to know, was becoming more than a need; it was becoming a burdensome longing. To fill this longing in my life I began to look outside of my wealth and my work and family to see if I could find a way to discover if there really is a Creator. At just this time I found Christ Church. No, not Christ Church Park Avenue, but Christ Church Lake Forest – Illinois! I’d spent eleven years living overseas and made a brief pit stop in the Midwest. There, in the middle of the quaint town I was living in, stood a lovely church that caught my eye. The designer in me wanted to take a closer look. When touring the building I glanced at the message board they had in the foyer and posted there was the description of a class they sponsored – very much like some of the classes we might take here – faith 101 if you like. I signed up for the class and on the first night I learned what I had never known before: Christ was a Jew! I was profoundly shocked. To me, Christ had always been that blonde haired, blue-eyed figure that you see on velvet paintings. I figured if he were around today he’d be eating Wonder Bread and ham sandwiches. He was a Rabbi. Oh my. Still, however, I could hardly say the name of Christ without smirking – to believe in God – let alone the Son of God, let alone the figure worshipped by the very people my family felt so set apart from, was outside of anything I could fathom. Lucky for me the class was gentle and fascinating. It was a lengthy course and as the months went by, I began to ponder what had seemed so dangerous and even impossible to consider before. That not only was there a great and mighty God ‘out there,' but that he might actually want a relationship with me right here, right now, through Christ. After many months of fighting against the currents of faith, I dared myself to cede control and let the tide take me, if it would. It was a literal, conscious dare. In class we’d been studying various scriptures relating to faith in Christ. One verse we read was John 16:24: “ ...until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” This spoke to me. In the preceding weeks, I had begun to pray to God, but never with Christ in mind - I just couldn’t get to that point. But on this occasion, I wanted to try my hardest to understand Christ. So, hiding from who knows what, I literally went into a small closet. I shut the door. I got on my knees and I tried to empty myself of all my doubt and prejudice and disdain and I asked God, In Jesus name, to fill me with knowledge of Him. To give me real faith and to help me to know the Truth. And I tell you what… this was the most dramatic and important day in my life. Not a turning point but an utterly new beginning. The person I was going into that hidden space is not the person who came out. In prayer I emptied myself and, in doing so, was dramatically and transformatively filled with God’s healing light. I was filled with a sense of the truth and with that there was no option for me but to have faith. Christ met me right then and he has been with me ever since. It has been about five years since this happened to me. A quiet, quick, yet personally dramatic beginning for my journey as a Jewish Christian. A little over three years ago, Good Friday in fact, I walked into the doors of yet another Christ Church – yes, this very special church, our home here on Park Avenue. Within these walls, through the great leadership we have here, the magnificent music and worship and the tender fellowship, I am learning how to live within the tension of who I am and all that God wants me to be. I am learning to cultivate and nurture the faith inside me to become a solid, leak-free vessel to purposefully contain His mighty love. Through this church I have been learning how, even though I fall down with unfailing regularity, even though I get distracted and take frequent wrong turns, I need to just get up, dust myself off, and keep on trying. When I first came to faith I thought, "Aha! I have arrived!" This church has taught me that in fact Christ isn’t the end point but just the very, very beginning. Only from this foundation, a foundation in Love, can we do anything and achieve everything for the sake of God. So this is a very exciting place for me to be. To look out at all of you, people who only a few short years ago I would have perceived as alien to me and to my values, and to see you as my most intimate family. To know that though we all have such different beginnings and backgrounds we share a sacred bond. To look into your faces and say to you with absolute conviction that salvation is here, now, with us and in us. Ours for the taking if only we ask. Christ has filled me with peace and hope and true life. Our life right here at Christ Church. I’m so grateful. Thanks to God. Marsha Modeste I’m a planner. That’s one thing I’ve learned about myself in the past few years. I don’t need to have all of the details worked out, I actually prefer to discover them along the way, but I need to have a broad plan of how I’m going to proceed over a period or space in time. When I think back to the decisions and actions that led me to New York, I remember how this city was a detail. I was not planning to move to New York specifically; I was planning to attend graduate school to study education policy. I was planning to teach my way through graduate school. In the process I would immerse myself in a struggling urban school, learn the answers in graduate school, and then work to change the larger education system. As I was forming these plans for developing my career and education, I did not have a plan for faith and my spiritual growth. I knew that wherever I ended up, I would continue to pray, read my Bible occasionally and go to church, a church most Sundays. When I knew that I was going to New York City, I thought it would be a great way for me to see all of the many churches here. I did want to find a nice church, but I didn’t think that I would have found Christ Church so quickly. I did not know that in finding this church, I would be transformed. I could not have planned this: the maturing of my faith, gaining a deeper understanding of God and learning to listen to His voice. I was raised in a Christian home. We attended church regularly, we prayed together. I knew about God, and the Bible stories and I had memorized several Bible verses as a child, but I had never really experience Christian fellowship in a way that positively affected my faith. I had never seen how your church family can and should inform your own spiritual growth. My time at Christ Church, especially my own efforts at getting involved with all of the work, learning, and fellowship, molded and shaped parts of me that before had been like lumps of clay. When I prepare for Worship and Wonder, I have to spend time reading and rereading to understand the Lectionary texts and in the process I learn more about God. When I am with our children I learn about perspective; their perspective allows me to see God in completely different ways. I participate in a Covenant Group and this has added another dimension to my understanding of God. Even as we meet, share, and journey together, we discover God and our faith. I could not have planned any of this. A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful opportunity of participating in the Women’s Day Apart retreat. In sharing my faith story, I talked about two women from the Bible who have left an impression on me, Rahab and Hannah. Hannah’s faith intrigues me. She clung to it during her years of sorrow and despair, and stood firmly on it when she gave her son Samuel back to the Lord. My first year in New York was not easy. My experiences in the classroom were often draining and at times seem impossible. During that first year, Christ Church was a place of rest and Christian reason that gave me strength to deal with the reality of my week. My students from that year are ever before my eyes. As I try to remain intentional about how I will honor my experience with them, I have grown intentional about my relationship with God and Christ Church. This is change; this is growth for me. However, I need not create a plan of my own; our central mission is plan enough for me: love God above all things and my neighbors, throughout this city, our nation and the world, as myself.
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